The other day I stood on my tiptoes so I could look into the mirror in our bathroom. It’s become an automatic reflex just like avoiding my eyes. As I stood there wishing that the mirror was lower, I looked into my eyes, and I stared at the stranger looking back. I don’t know where the person I left at home is. Sometimes, I miss her. Sometimes. I am adjusting to this new person.
Where did this person come from? She’s a product of an American being rubbed raw spiritual warfare in Germany. She’s a product of frustrations and anger quelled by a loving and just God who proves Himself faithful despite her nastiness. She’s a product of countless tears cried in pain and of her Lord picking her up off the floor.
Being a Christian is not easy. Working for God is not easy. Giving your life, your everything, to Him is not easy. He never said it would be. Once you accept Christ, you’ve died to yourself and this world to become alive in Christ. Christ didn’t live an easy life because His life was not of this world. His disciples didn’t have it easy. Why should we? Why shouldn’t we fight for the glory and honor of His name? He died for us. Die for Him.
There are countless time when I have wanted to give up and go home. But, God wouldn’t let me. He gently tells me that He’s not done with me yet. I know that He’ll never be done with me, but I am here until June 15th, and no matter what comes my way, I have to stay. Not out of obligation, but because I want to glorify Him. Because I love Him, and He loves me.
Through all the homesickness, misery, frustrations, joy, beauty, and love, this new person in the mirror is here to stay. She may be raw, but she’s healing. Slowly but surely I am getting used to her.
I know there will still be tough times ahead. I know that there will be times when I say or do something I never would have said before I came, but I have to remember that it’s my flesh fighting the glorious Spirit of Christ within me. I have to remember that Christ is victorious through all of this.
God has my best interest at heart. Why? Because He loves me. Why? I don’t really know, but if it glorifies Him, so be it. I don’t deserve it, but I’ll take it. I’ll take it any day over being lost and wandering and ugly.
So, here’s to you, new girl.